136. Letting Go of Perfectionism and Trigger Words with Dr. Jane Tornatore

The Easily Distracted Entrepreneur

We all want to do our best, but many of us neurodivergent entrepreneurs struggle with perfectionism. We see perfection everywhere we look, but never within ourselves.

There’s really no such thing as perfection because there’s always room for improvement. That’s one of the “gifts” of being human, that we thrive on growth and development.

But sometimes perfectionism can hold us back from taking action and our ego gets in the way. We get down on ourselves because something that “should” feel easy is challenging for us. The reality is that letting go of those thoughts and focusing on what truly is easy for us may be a better way.

This week on the podcast, I’m chatting with Dr. Jane Tornatore about perfectionism and the words we need to let go of in order to get ourselves out of the trap. She shares with us some great tips for getting unstuck and I start to rework my own language…and immediately feel the results!

About Dr. Jane Tornatore:

Dr. Jane Tornatore is a brain geek and self love expert based in Seattle, WA. As a psychotherapist, speaker, and author, she works with intelligent, motivated, high-achieving women who are committed to being better people, yet, they never feel better ENOUGH. Women who want to finally like themselves and stop second-guessing their decisions.

What separates Jane from other coaches and therapists is her down to earth, humorous, practical, and SIMPLE approach. And because of this, her clients become aware of the unconscious beliefs that keep them stuck and unsatisfied, so they can choose thoughts and actions that actually work for them rather than making them feel like crap. She received a master’s degree at the University of Illinois, and a PhD at the University of Minnesota. She has authored over 20 articles and published a book—Everything is Perfect, Just Not ME! A Roadmap for Self-Acceptance. Connect with her on LinkedIn and follow her on Instagram.

Links and Resources:

• The Intuitive Decision Making Method
• Everything is Perfect, Just Not Me: A Roadmap to Self-Acceptance by Dr. Jane Tornatore
• Bittersweet by Susan Cain
• Join the Inner Circle

Time Stamps:

• [2:01] - The big benefit of in-person events
• [2:54] - More about Dr. Jane Tornatore
• [4:43] - We’re the wrong species for perfection
• [6:15] - The only time perfectionism doesn’t show up for Amber
• [8:30] - Getting out of the perfectionism trap
• [9:45] - Amber practices letting go
• [12:30] - Shifting from “have to” to “get to”
• [13:12] - Love-hate relationship with positive affirmations
• [15:35] - Toxic positivity that goes along with affirmations can be a turn-off
• [16:32] - We learn that appreciating ourselves is bad
• [17:36] - Imposter syndrome in neurodivergent women is off the hook
• [19:28] - How will you help people if you’re not thriving
• [20:50] - You don’t have to help everyone
• [23:06] - If it’s not for my highest good, it’s for no one’s highest good
• [27:30] - Doing something out of alignment won’t work in the long run
• [30:10] - Your ego is going to tell you that you don’t know what you’re doing
• [31:15] - It’s a good thing babies don’t have an ego
• [33:40] - Radical acceptance of behaviors
• [37:19] - We never congratulate ourselves when we do something right
• [39:27] - We’ve learned: You can be yourself or you can be loved
• [43:29] - If we feel we’re getting extra stuck in perfectionism, it’s helpful to see things in a different way
• [44:27] - Tell yourself you’re okay