We made it— 300 episodes of This Is Woman’s Work ! And we’re marking this milestone by giving you something that could seriously change the game in your business or career: the skill of pitching yourself effectively. Whether you’re dreaming of being a podcast guest, landing a speaking gig, signing a client, or just asking for what you want with confidence—you’re already pitching yourself, every day. But are you doing it well? In this milestone episode, Nicole breaks down exactly how to pitch yourself to be a podcast guest … and actually hear “yes.” With hundreds of pitches landing in her inbox each month, she shares what makes a guest stand out (or get deleted), the biggest mistakes people make, and why podcast guesting is still one of the most powerful ways to grow your reach, authority, and influence. In This Episode, We Cover: ✅ Why we all need to pitch ourselves—and how to do it without feeling gross ✅ The step-by-step process for landing guest spots on podcasts (and more) ✅ A breakdown of the 3 podcast levels: Practice, Peer, and A-List—and how to approach each ✅ The must-haves of a successful podcast pitch (including real examples) ✅ How to craft a pitch that gets read, gets remembered, and gets results Whether you’re new to pitching or want to level up your game, this episode gives you the exact strategy Nicole and her team use to land guest spots on dozens of podcasts every year. Because your voice deserves to be heard. And the world needs what only you can bring. 🎁 Get the FREE Podcast Pitch Checklist + Additional Information on your Practice Group, Peer Group, and A-List Group Strategies: https://nicolekalil.com/podcast 📥 Download The Podcast Pitch Checklist Here Related Podcast Episodes: Shameless and Strategic: How to Brag About Yourself with Tiffany Houser | 298 How To Write & Publish A Book with Michelle Savage | 279 How To Land Your TED Talk and Skyrocket Your Personal Brand with Ashley Stahl | 250 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music…
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Mind-Talk Step 1: critically observing your thoughts
Manage episode 445355595 series 3592811
Contenido proporcionado por Dr. Joe Luciani. Todo el contenido del podcast, incluidos episodios, gráficos y descripciones de podcast, lo carga y proporciona directamente Dr. Joe Luciani o su socio de plataforma de podcast. Si cree que alguien está utilizando su trabajo protegido por derechos de autor sin su permiso, puede seguir el proceso descrito aquí https://es.player.fm/legal.
If you do nothing about your thinking, nothing will change. If you do something about your thinking, you will change. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I will introduce you to the first of four steps involved in Mind-Talk. Mind-Talk is my unique technique for ensuring liberation from anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles. Today's episode with teach you two critical exercises: Detached Mind-Checking and Critically Observing. Once you learn these simple techniques, you will no longer feel victimized by the inexplicable, habituated, neurotic thoughts that have prevented you from the solace that you long for.
…
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224 episodios
CompartirManage episode 445355595 series 3592811
Contenido proporcionado por Dr. Joe Luciani. Todo el contenido del podcast, incluidos episodios, gráficos y descripciones de podcast, lo carga y proporciona directamente Dr. Joe Luciani o su socio de plataforma de podcast. Si cree que alguien está utilizando su trabajo protegido por derechos de autor sin su permiso, puede seguir el proceso descrito aquí https://es.player.fm/legal.
If you do nothing about your thinking, nothing will change. If you do something about your thinking, you will change. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I will introduce you to the first of four steps involved in Mind-Talk. Mind-Talk is my unique technique for ensuring liberation from anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles. Today's episode with teach you two critical exercises: Detached Mind-Checking and Critically Observing. Once you learn these simple techniques, you will no longer feel victimized by the inexplicable, habituated, neurotic thoughts that have prevented you from the solace that you long for.
…
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Life’s demands, challenges, scares, and fears can really pile up. Sometimes it just feels like too much. The tumult of feeling overwhelmed is something that happens to all of us and although we can’t control life and the many challenges we encounter, there are things we can do to minimize, if not, eliminate the chaotic experience of feeling out of control. In this Self-Coaching episode I offer strategies for coping when we begin to feel powerless and victimized by life and/or our emotions. Avoiding getting overwhelmed isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about building little habits, developing a more resilient mindset, and a support system that can help you feel more grounded…even when things get messy.…
Mark Twain once said that courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear. Although it’s tempting to wish you were fearless, without fear, our lives would quickly become reckless and threatened. Fear, healthy, objective fear is an essential component of our genetic inheritance, but irrational, neurotic fear is not. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the difference between normal and neurotic fear and strategies to minimize needless neurotic struggle.…
In everyone’s life, there are ups, downs, happy times, and anxious times. But one thing is certain: life undulates. I call these undulations, waves--psychological waves. Think of waves as life’s challenges. Some waves consist of circumstantial, externally driven challenges, e.g., illness, financial struggles, loss, and so on, while other waves are psychological, driven by habits of insecurity. One thing about waves, circumstantial or psychological, they…undulate—they come, and they go. Waves eventually subside, allowing us to enter a trough state of potential calm. I say potential because for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle, being in a trough state (a potential for calm and solace) is no guarantee of solace; they generate neurotic “waves,” anticipating, worrying, what-iffing, etc. And for those who generate waves, there is no solace. Join me in the Self-Coaching podcast to learn what is necessary to ensure that your ‘trough state’ isn’t corrupted by the neurotic habits of insecurity.…
Self-Coaching is not just another form of coaching; it’s a unique CBT-based program based on the idea that anxiety, depression, and other emotional struggles stem from learned habits of insecurity and self-doubt—habits that can be broken. To liberate yourself from struggle, you need to understand the fundamental ‘why’ you struggle in the first place. Why, no matter how much you’ve tried, nothing changes.In this week’s episode, I offer a step-by-step strategy that will teach you to become your own best coach, enabling you to overcome feeling powerless and victimized by life.…
How would you define ‘burnout?’ Essentially, it’s a feeling you can’t go on—there’s just no more gas left in the tank. You may feel anxious, depleted, or simply stuck. Many components contribute to feeling burned out, chronic stress, fear of failure, self-criticism, not feeling good enough, being overcommitted, bored, and so on. Burnout isn’t just psychological; the relentless stress you feel is dumping stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol into your body, inevitably leading the way to anxiety and depression. Join me in this Self-Coaching weekly challenge as I discuss some simple practical strategies designed to help you avoid further depletion and burnout in your life.…
Are you tired of being manipulated? Saying yes when you’d rather be saying no? In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how manipulators tend to bend you to their will by using tactics like guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or simply wearing you down. Join me as I explain how to set clear boundaries, avoid over-explaining, and use techniques like “Broken Record” to ensure that you don’t have to feel manipulated or bullied by coercive people who aren’t at all concerned about your attempts to resist and are only concerned about twisting you to do their bidding.…
Regardless of age, gender, background, or profession, for many, no matter how much they try or succeed in life, they believe they’re frauds. Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy, despite evidence of success and competence. People experiencing it often believe they’re frauds or undeserving of their achievements, fearing they’ll be "exposed" as unqualified and embarrassed, even if they’ve worked hard and accomplished much. Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge to dispel the feeling that you’re living a lie. The “lie” has been based on the insecurity premise that you’re a fake, a phony. Once you yield to this deception, everything else becomes irrelevant. If you were to get that promotion or be nominated for mayor or even if you were to build a bridge or find a cure for the common cold, none of this would matter because eventually, you go back to feeling, “If they only knew the truth about me.” Let me offer you some Self-Coaching suggestions and techniques to liberate yourself from the shadow of self-doubt and fear of being exposed.…
Beware of the saying: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” All too often, we cling to the short-sighted safety of attempting to control life. But sometimes, because of insecurity, a normal need for control becomes excessive as we desperately try to over-control life and outcomes. The problem is that the more we rely on insecurity-driven habits of control, the less we rely on our natural resilient ability to trust self and life. Rather than letting go and allowing life to unfold, we gravitate toward perfectionism, rigidity, and neurotic self-distrust. You may have become convinced that over-controlling life may feel like a better option than risking self-trust, but if you truly want to live a more passionate, liberated, enjoyable life, then it’s time to realize that there’s only one devil—refusing to risk self-trust. This week’s Self-Coaching challenge is to learn to risk believing that you can let life unfold today without your usual insistence that life, outcomes, and others must be controlled. Controlling life is a myth; living life isn’t.…
Most people, at one time or another, will ask, “What’s the purpose of life?” More accurately, we should be asking, “What’s my purpose in life.” For some this isn’t a difficult question to answer, yet for others, it remains a total mystery. A sense of purpose isn’t something reserved for only those fortunate, happy, successful people; it’s a potential that resides in each of us. Unfortunately, one’s purpose may be submerged, unrealized, or covered over by neurotic distortions. While there’s no simple, one-size-fits-all answer, join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge as I offer suggestions that may help you grapple with finding more purpose in your life.…
Developing self-discipline and willpower What stops you from achieving your goals? What exactly is the resistance that keeps you from taking charge of your life and realizing your intentions? As complex and multifaceted as the answer to this query may be, one way or another, it all boils down to self-discipline. From a Self-Coaching perspective, self-discipline and willpower depend on the ability to willfully endure the transient discomfort of changing who and what you are. You weren’t born with self-discipline, you acquired it. Like a muscle, you need to develop your self-discipline muscle, one challenge at a time. So, if you wish you had more follow-through to get things done, whether losing weight, exercising, or realizing your ambitions, this Self-Coaching episode will give you strategies for reconstituting your atrophied self-discipline muscle.…
Let’s be honest, we live in a world of imperfection. we are imperfect. No matter how fastidious you may be, there will always be banana peels to slip on in everyone’s life. “Why did I do that?” “If only I worked harder.” The old could-a, would-a, should-a’s. Every challenge, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. Every setback is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. It’s true we can’t prevent regrets, but we damn well can minimize and avoid most of them. In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I offer twelve ways to minimize regrets going forward while letting go of yesterday’s banana slips.…
Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much, and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts. What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back? Sure, there are challenging circumstances in your life. But it’s not life circumstances that are holding you back or making you feel anxious or depressed, it’s your reaction to these circumstances When it comes to happiness, we often hold ourselves back psychologically through self-imposed limitations and mental barriers, many of which stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or deeply ingrained, habituated thought patterns. Join me in this week’s episode as I explore some common ways we do this.…
I’m sure you’ll agree that changing neurotic perceptions characterized by excessive worrying fear or emotional hyper-reactivity is easier said than done. In order to change the way you perceive and think about yourself and the world, it will take what we might call intentional effort. Efforts to reframe the thought patterns that have become reflexive habits while also managing and regulating your emotional/physiological responses. Once you understand how you’ve been compromised by neurotic perceptions and thoughts, then it’s time to apply a Self-Coaching approach that will allow you to reverse the grip that irrational, anxious struggles have on your life.…
Ever notice how silly someone else’s worry seems to you? How many times have you told someone to stop making mountains out of molehills? Unfortunately,// if worry has become your knee-jerk reflexive response to life challenges, then mountain-making is what you do best. People make mountains out of molehills for a variety of psychological, emotional, and social reasons. This often stems from an inability to put issues into perspective, where minor inconveniences are perceived as major crises. And if you struggle with stress and anxiety, you’re probably no stranger to amplifying small problems, making them seem disproportionately ‘mountain’ like.…
In everyone’s life there are challenges, some big, some small. When faced with adversity, hope can help us weather our storms. What exactly is hope? There’s no doubt that hope involves our emotions, but did you know that hope itself is not an emotion? Hope is a way of thinking. This means that hope—OR HAVING a hopeful attitude-- can be learned or coached. It’s true that hope may not mitigate the inevitable challenges we must face, but hope isn’t about what’s coming around the corner, it’s about releasing ourselves from the despair of hopelessness in our present. Allowing us to live more courageously and unencumbered by pessimistic projections.…
In this Self-Coaching episode, I ask the question: is it possible for therapy to become…addictive? No question that receiving professional guidance and perspective can be appropriate in times of intense stress or duress, but over time, ongoing palliative therapy can easily morph into a dependency. Especially when you begin to believe that you don’t have to deal with your day-to-day struggles; I’ll just wait until I see my therapist. Once you become convinced that you don’t have to handle your struggles anymore, or worse, that you can’t handle them, then the die is cast. Why do you think people remain in therapy for years and years? It’s because they’ve become convinced they can’t possibly do any of this psychological problem-solving on their own. As self-trust dwindles, so too does your capacity for psychological self-regulation.…
I’ve been a psychologist since 1977; in my many years of private practice, I’ve come to see that there are seven thinking traps that most people who suffer from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle have in common. So, if you're frustrated with your life or your lack of happiness, I can’t tell you how important it is for you to be aware of these tendencies.In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn the problem with using:• Should statements• What-iffing• Tunnel vision• Mind Reading• Have-to thinking• Black-and-White thinking…
Join me in a rather embarrassing disclosure from my early days of innocence. It all began in seventh grade when Father Devine, my parish priest, gave the boys in my class an ominous admonition, one that altered my behavior for decades to follow. The problem wasn’t what Father Devine said, it was my misinterpretation that led to my problem. All kids try to make sense of information that is often lacking or fragmented. Most of the time there is little fallout. Occasionally, like with my story, faulty interpretations can lead to self-doubt and unrealistic fear, stoking the flames of vulnerability and insecurity. To a greater or lesser degree, some degree of insecurity is an unavoidable aspect of growing up in a challenging world. But the unfortunate truth is that the habits of insecurity aren’t something we simply outgrow. Velcro-like, they cling to us and accumulate throughout our lives, which is why, in this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how to release yourself from the historic neurotic habits that have overrun your life, instigating emotional struggle.…
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Self-Coaching
In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss lying--the good kind, the bad kind, and the ugly kind. Simply put, lying is the willful substitution of fiction for fact. Not all lying is bad. In fact, what we typically call white lying can actually be considered beneficial. Call it what you like, being diplomatic, kind, or generous, it’s all the same thing: choosing to filter our true feelings in order to avoid unnecessary conflict by hurting others. Clearly, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I shudder to think what this world would be like if we had no filters. Unfortunately, not all white-lying is innocuous, take, for example, the inability to say “no.” These are what I refer to as life’s pleasers. Although compulsively pleasing others may reduce social friction, it can create a significant emotional drain on you. There are other more unsavory types of lying that you need to be concerned with. These are driven by insecurity and the need to control others and outcomes. These are self-serving, manipulative expressions that often have destructive influences, not only on others but on your psychic equilibrium as well. Join me as I delve into the more nefarious realm of the ‘deadbeat,’ the ‘scammer,’ and other egocentric manipulations.…
In this Self-Coaching episode, I reveal my secret for successfully helping people liberate themselves from emotional struggle. Whether you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, panic, compulsion, or other emotional struggles, there is only one question you need to answer if you want to liberate yourself to a life of what I call psychological spontaneity. It’s really not that complicated. It’s like a riddle, difficult to unravel…until you know the punch line. At this point, everything becomes less murky and more obvious. Living a life of psychological spontaneity is moving away from the defensive frictions imposed by habits of insecurity. Frictions that wear you down, leading to ongoing struggle. Isn’t it time that you solve the riddle of why happiness and solace have eluded you? Isn’t it time to understand how you can coach yourself to the life you want, the life you deserve?…
In this Self-Coaching episode, the focus isn’t on the transient weight loss associated with dieting but on a lifelong goal of liberating yourself from destructive eating. It may help to keep in mind a saying derived from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War: “Know your enemy.” To avoid being victimized by impulses, cravings, misperceptions, or mindless destructive patterns, it’s imperative to know and appreciate your enemies. Lifelong weight mastery has three enemies: adverse circumstances, harmful emotions, and destructive habits. Typically these enemies co-mingle. A setback at work (adverse circumstance) may cause intense panic (harmful emotion), leaving you reaching for the solace of an old friend, that pint of ice cream (destructive habit). It goes without saying that the three enemies can occur in any order; for instance, a binge (destructive habit) could lead to depression (harmful emotion), which could then create a situation where you get in trouble at work (adverse circumstance). These are the three enemies of moderation and healthful eating and they represent the challenges that you must neutralize in order to have the life you want—the life you deserve.…
In this Self-Coaching episode, I want to help you demystify your thoughts, especially the neurotic, torturous thoughts that lead to emotional struggle. It begins by depersonalizing your insecurity-driven thinking, understanding that these aren’t your thoughts—well, not consciously intended thoughts—they’re nothing more than iterations of the same-old-same-old promptings of your habit of insecurity. Insecurity, not you, is instigating, promoting, and delivering these neurotic thoughts to you. And as long as you remain a passive receiver of these thoughts, you will be affected and you will suffer. I realize it sounds rather bizarre to suggest that you aren’t feeding yourself neurotic thoughts, but how could this be otherwise when you hear people saying, “I know my thoughts are crazy, but I just can’t stop them,” or “I have everything to live for, I’m so blessed, why do I have these dark thoughts?” The reason is because your habit of insecurity is feeding these thoughts to your conscious mind and you’re reacting to them as if they’re your thoughts. They’re not!…
If you tell someone that you’re feeling depressed, they’ll no doubt understand what you’re talking about. Feeling empty, sad, down-in-the-dumps, worthless, or just plain blah is often commonly experienced with depression. The dictionary generically defines depression as a “pressing down,” which is precisely what the emotions associated with depression feel like—a weight on your shoulders, an overwhelming feeling of dread and hopelessness that presses down on you, making life difficult if not impossible. The reason everyone understands what depression feels like is because we’ve all, at one time or another, felt depressed. Feeling depressed is often a normal, albeit difficult, part of being human in a world of struggles, setbacks, and loss. However, the depression we feel when pressed down in response to challenging life circumstances is quite different from what is commonly referred to as clinical or major depression. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss how to differentiate between clinical depression and what I call “circumstantial” depression. Although there can be some confusion when trying to differentiate one from the other, especially when there is an overlap between these depressions, typically, a person suffering from a circumstantial, non-clinical depression (not insecurity-driven) will eventually regain normal functioning as stressful life circumstances abate. The person with clinical depression will sustain a depression because the cause, insecurity, continues to fuel it.…
Everyone worries, right? If so, are we, in fact, genetically programmed to “worry” about threatening future events? If so, then by extension, are we doomed, to a greater or lesser degree, to be anxious? The answer is yes. We seem to be programmed to worry, and yes, we seem to be programmed to get anxious. But there is a caveat. Both worrying and anxiety can be either perfectly normal or terribly neurotic. Completely eliminating anxiety in life isn’t a possibility. We all deal with difficult life circumstances, loss, rejection, separations, and so on, and having a proportionate, anxious reaction to such challenges is clearly an understandable human reaction, however, a disproportionate, ruminative, ongoing struggle with crippling anxiety is not only neurotic, it’s avoidable. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how my dog, Lulu, helped me to develop a common sense approach to minimizing life’s anxieties.…
We are all creatures of habit. Whether it’s brushing your teeth, taking your daily shower, or jogging every day, clearly, not all habits are destructive. However, when habits are driven by insecurity and a need to escape emotional vulnerability, they can become neurotic, even addictive attempts to kick the here-and-now discomfort down the road by escaping it. This is called denial. But how do you know if it’s you or your habits that are controlling your life? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss how to determine whether your habits, however compulsive they may seem, are normal and healthy or neurotically destructive.…
If you’re like most people who have tried to understand why your life has become so twisted and tormented, you’ve probably spent most of your time scouring the weeds of your past looking for clues as to “Why?”And you’ve likely come out of those weeds still feeling stuck. You may have tried therapy (formal or self-help bibliotherapy) yet, you’re still struggling. In my estimation, whether it’s formal therapy or your own bibliotherapy, if all your efforts aren’t making sense and translating to everyday real-life experience, then perhaps it’s time to simplify the process of healing. What if I were to tell you that there are two simple, uncomplicated reasons why you suffer from anxiety and depression? Well, you might think this is an exaggeration. In this Self-Coaching episode let me explain why it’s not an exaggeration.…
Typically, we worry when we feel threatened, unsafe, or challenged by life circumstances. Essentially, worry is an anticipation of future chaos—chaos that may or may not actually occur. Since no one can know the future, worry is based on a projection of insecurity--what-if thinking. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the importance of differentiating between emotional, insecurity-driven thinking (a.k.a. neurotic thinking) and rational, factual, mature thinking. Worry gives the illusion that you’re doing something about your vulnerability. And when you’re feeling out of control and vulnerable, this illusion convinces you that you’re not helpless. Unfortunately, the more you worry to feel less vulnerable, the more unsafe, stressed and insecure you feel. So, why do we do it? Because without a foundation of self-trust, worrying is the only game in town—we try to compensate for our lack of self-trust by reading the tea leaves of an uncertain future. Rather than feeling completely helpless, worrying makes us feel that at least we’re doing something! And this is what keeps us hooked into a neurotic habit of unchecked worrying. When challenged and feeling vulnerable, it’s okay to be concerned with the facts, but NOT the emotional fictions perpetrated by insecurity. Fictions that we can’t handle what’s coming around the next corner.…
When we struggle, we often feel overwhelmed, confused, and unable to find the solace that has been snatched from us. When patients enter therapy, they often have no clue why they can’t stop their incessant, anxious worrying or snap out of a depressed mood that clouds their lives. In this Self-Coaching episode, I offer a way out—a way to untangle neurotic, habituated habits that prevent true happiness. The Self-Coaching solution is straightforward and rather simple. Rather than trying to make heads or tails of your struggles from a ‘macro’ level, where everything is a frustrating jumble of swirling thoughts and emotions, the key is to cultivate a micro-level approach, one that breaks down struggle into its elemental, understandable components. And from the micro—one thought at a time level—you no longer have to be fishing for answers as you begin to tackle even the most entrenched, insecurity-driven habits—habits that are ruining and ruling your life. You know about habits; all habits are learned, and ALL habits can be broken. Even neurotic ones.…
Feeling stuck? Do you find yourself wrestling with ongoing emotional setbacks no matter how hard you try to find solace? When even the smallest challenges too often trigger fear, negativity, and self-doubt. If you find yourself stumped, scratching your head, and feeling tired of repeating the same old spiral of neurotic overthinking, then it may be time for a psychological reboot. In order to maximize your happiness and minimize your struggles, it’s important to have a clear understanding of what’s holding you back from the solace you seek. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss five stumbling blocks that may be keeping you from the life you want—the life you deserve. The simple truth is that if you don’t know what you’re doing that reinforces your habits of insecurity, then, like any habit, nothing is going to change.…
Do you feel you have to have all the answers? To always be right? Do you treat your feelings as if they are unassailable facts? If so, it may be time to reflect on whether you may be too opinionated. Obviously, we all have opinions, but when you refuse to accept that someone else’s differing point of view might have merit, you are being driven not by your own perceptions but by insecurity.Opinionated people create a black-and-white word where ambiguity is eliminated. Insecurity abhors ambiguity; when insecurity fuels our perceptions, we have the illusion of absolute certainty. It’s an arrogant posture that often leaves others fleeing from your company. Why? Because opinionated people not only diminish others but are often perceived as bullies.Join me in the Self-Coaching episode and decide if you need to reflect on whether you may be coming across as too rigid and opinionated.…
In this Self-Coaching podcast, I’m introducing a new format: weekly Self-Coaching challenges. My intention is to provide bite-sized, motivational instructions that can be practiced each week to enhance your Self-Coaching efforts. Today’s challenge is an exercise in ‘creating a bubble’ of separation from your world of “have-tos.” By practicing being more responsive to your ‘whims,’ you open yourself up to glimpse the life that awaits you.…
Today’s Self-Coaching episode addresses the crucial role that optimism and pessimism have on your liberation from emotional struggle. Although I’ll be talking about optimism in next week’s podcast, I felt it was crucial to first address what happens when we identify with pessimism, “I’ll never get better,” “life’s too hard, I just can’t handle it.” This is the voice of pessimism, which has become an entrenched habit of ego identification—in a very real sense, you become your pessimism. And when this happens, you begin what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the neurotic thinking associated with insecurity begins to feel like it’s your voice—It’s not!…
Perhaps the best way to describe Responsive Living would be the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) phrase Let go, let god. The simplicity of this adage may escape you,// but trust me, it’s quite profound. In AA parlance, it has to do with letting go of compulsive, destructive thinking and handing yourself over to a higher power. From a secularized, Self-Coaching standpoint, Responsive Living is learning to let go, let life. Translation: letting go of trying to over-control life, and instead learning to risk letting life unfold spontaneously without anticipation, worry, or fear. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode to explore this extremely important Mind-Talk step of learning to use Responsive Living to liberate yourself from a life of emotional struggle.…
Releasing yourself from struggle You’ve heard it said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When you get caught up in the incessant chatter of insecurity-driven thinking, having a simple picture in your mind can be far more useful than a thousand words of analyzing or trying to understand the “whys” of your suffering. In this Self-Coaching episode, I provide two compelling, fail-safe visualizations that you will want to use over and over again whenever your mind feels hijacked by insecurity-driven ruminations of emotional struggle. Why are visualizations so powerful? Simply because the brain likes, even craves, visual images. You can tell yourself to stop worrying, which, more often than not, requires a tedious effort, but if you create a visual image in your mind, you will be short-circuiting the neurotic ruminations that cripple you, allowing you to turn away from the toxic chatter of insecurity and reconnect with a more relaxed, empowered perspective—one that will enable you to proceed to next week’s critically important step 3, Reactive Living.…
How exactly do you stop allowing yourself to be manipulated by neurotic thinking? The simple answer to this question is best summed up by something my grandmother was fond of saying: You can’t stop a bird from flying into your hair, but you don’t have to help it build a nest. You may not be able to stop neurotic thoughts from percolating up into consciousness, but you don’t have to passively allow your conscious mind to become part of the “nest-building” problem. This is the essence of Mind-Talk’s Step Two, stopping the progression of insecurity-driven thinking. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I introduce two techniques for stopping this progression (a.k.a., nest building): • Engaging—focusing your conscious mind to actively stop the progression of insecurity-driven thinking. • Active Ignoring—asserting your conscious mind to ignore and disengage from insecurity-driven thinking.…
If you do nothing about your thinking, nothing will change. If you do something about your thinking, you will change. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I will introduce you to the first of four steps involved in Mind-Talk. Mind-Talk is my unique technique for ensuring liberation from anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles. Today's episode with teach you two critical exercises: Detached Mind-Checking and Critically Observing. Once you learn these simple techniques, you will no longer feel victimized by the inexplicable, habituated, neurotic thoughts that have prevented you from the solace that you long for.…
It’s critical for you to understand that when it comes to your awareness, your conscious thoughts are not alone. With conscious awareness, you can, for example, be totally conscious and aware of your compulsive, worrisome ruminations: What if I get sick? What will happen to my job? What if I lose my job? What if...? but equally unconscious of the reflexive insecurity that spawns these neurotically laden thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. So, the question is this: with all the cross-fertilization—conscious-unconscious melding—how in the world do we separate truth from untruth, facts from emotionally driven fiction? In this Self-Coaching podcast, join me as I help you prepare for the specific Mind-Talk steps that will enable you to make these critical distinctions. Today, we’ll discuss three types of thinking:1.) Spontaneous thoughts. Unprovoked thoughts that erupt spontaneously into consciousness, Oops, I forgot to make that call. These are thoughts triggered by the unconscious that emerge into consciousness from the unconscious.2.) Conscious, intentional thinking.3.) Insecurity-Driven thoughts. These are reflexive thoughts that evoke doubt, fear, or negativity. These thoughts are not consciously driven (you may, for example, become aware of your fearful thoughts after you feel them).…
In today’s Self-Coaching podcast I want to introduce you to my technique of Mind Talk. Mind Talk is a four-step program that will allow you to assert the full power of your conscious mind in order to neutralize the distorted, neurotic thinking that sustains anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle. This technique is the core of my philosophy of Self-Coaching and will require a series of podcasts to fully equip you with the foundation necessary to succeed in liberating yourself from your struggles. Today’s episode is the first of the series. I begin by laying the preliminary groundwork for the steps ahead. We begin with a more through understanding, a demystifying, of how we think. Our conscious thoughts need to be seen in a different light. You need to understand that you are not your neurotic thoughts, these are interlopers, perpetrated by insecurity. Today’s podcast will help you recognize the importance of separating your true self from the neurotic entanglements of habituated, insecurity-driven thinking. Next week we’ll explore the role that the unconscious plays and following next week’s episode, we’ll begin a discussion of the four steps involved in applying Mind Talk.…
If you’ve been listening to my recent podcasts, you would have heard me say that the reason you struggle emotionally is that you have become a passive victim of old, insecurity-driven habits. And make no mistake, a passive mind will always be susceptible to manipulation by insecurity. Essentially, a passive mind, one that capitulates to the doubts, fears, and negativity of insecurity, insists that neurotic struggle is….well, just the way it is. Bull! Once you awaken your sleeping giant of consciousness (active-mind) you can learn to overcome neurotic passivity and begin the important process of neutralizing reflexive, anxious thinking. Join me in this Self-Coaching podcast to see how a traumatic experience from my past led to my understanding of the absolute power your conscious mind has over that in you, which seems powerless.…
In today’s Self-Coaching podcast, I talk about decontaminating and neutralizing the destructive, reflexive habits of the past that operate just beneath your level of consciousness. These less-than-conscious influences, which I call part of your shadow personality, are the reason why we struggle. Keep in mind that these habits are less than conscious, not unconscious!Using my Self-Coaching technique of ‘mind talk,’ you can learn to bring these destructive habits out of the shadow and into the full light of conscious awareness. Once exposed, you can apply my four steps that will help you begin a process of neutralizing the neurotic baggage of the past while putting you on a liberated, uncontaminated path of wellness.…
We all have what I call a ‘shadow personality.’ Although a non-nurturing parental environment can be a major contributor to the shadow personality, any disruptive developmental challenges that all children face—fear, poverty, separations, loss, illness, and so on, can result in feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. These influences comprise the shadow of your here-and-now personality. Like the backdrop of a play, the shadow personality has an indirect, reflexive influence on your life. And it’s these influences that constitute the insecurity-driven habits that fuel your emotional struggles. In this podcast, I introduce a new Self-Coaching tool: conscious correction. With conscious correction, you will learn how to bring reflexive neurotic aspects of your shadow personality into focus, enabling you to “pump the brakes” slowing down your worrisome habits while neutralizing the acquired, destructive influences of the past.…
Let me wind up my Self-Coaching series on the non-nurturing parental environment with a discussion of the indifferent parent and the defective, abusive parent. Although these examples represent extreme forms of defective parenting, to a greater or lesser extent, they play a part in the lives of many who suffer emotionally as adults. Essentially, the indifferent parent is one whose life and personal needs supersede their child’s. This type of parent may be openly neglectful and distracted. They are less likely to be held to account for the damage this lack of connectedness has on a child’s sense of worth and self-esteem. They are too selfish to establish an adequate and loving relationship with the child. The Defective, Abusive Parent, in contrast, tends to have a much more direct and deleterious effect on the child’s emotional development. Many psychologically wounded parents suffer from alcoholism, debilitating anxiety and depression, personality disorders, drug addiction, and so on. As you can imagine, a defective parent’s ability to provide an adequate nurturing environment is limited by the extent of their dysfunction. Because of this dysfunction, there could be neglect, emotional or physical abuse, along with erratic and inconsistent attempts to show love. Children who grow up in these homes are the children of chaos.…
Last week’s podcast dealt with the overcontrolling, anxious parent. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I distinguish between the overcontrolling parent and the co-dependent parent. Whereas the overcontrolling parent is invested in controlling and protecting every aspect of a child’s life, the co-dependent parent lives vicariously through the child to compensate for their own shortcomings. Because of their own emotional neediness, this is a parent who, rather than being the source of emotional stability for the child, winds up using the child to feed their own fragile ego.…
Back around 1969, overly anxious, controlling parents began to be called “helicopter parents.” Helicopter parents have a tendency to hover over their children—helicopter-like—micromanaging every aspect of a child’s life, saying, “Watch out!” “Don’t pet that dog!” “Don’t eat that.” The child becomes merely an extension of the parent’s anxieties, fears, and insecurities. In an attempt to stay one step ahead of anticipated mayhem, helicopter parents just can’t help jumping in and getting involved. Too involved! Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching episode as I explore the ego-shaping influences of growing up with anxious parents.…
In the Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that by recognizing the similarities between your present-day insecurities and the nurturing/non-nurturing environment provided by your parents (as well as other significant shaping influences) during your early developmental years, you give yourself an important edge. You gain the ability to step apart from your own personal mental congestion and recognize how your present struggles have been shaped by your early learning and conditioning—the programming of your brain.…
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