Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Romancipation

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Episode Summary

When it comes to relationships, honesty is not always the best policy. Truth is based on fact, whereas honesty is based on feelings and opinions. While it is important to be truthful with your partner about your intentions and expectations, giving your “honest” opinion is often not appreciated and can cause unnecessary conflict.
Criticism wrapped in the legitimacy of honesty carries more weight than it should. It makes the person receiving the comments believe the “honest opinion” is the consensus, which is rarely the case. If you want to alert your partner to something they have said or done that upset you, be truthful about it. Communicate in a thoughtful and productive manner and explain your feelings.
Practice empathy by acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. Understand your partner’s boundaries and make sure your communication style is healthy instead of manipulative. Gaslighting your partner is abusive and never acceptable.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how imprudent it is to go over your budget to purchase an engagement ring.

Show Notes

A lot of conflict and hurt feelings can arise from the mask of “just being honest” in a relationship. Truth is an accurate representation of reality. Being honest is accurately expressing your feelings and opinions. Confusing these two ideas can hurt you, your partner, and your relationship.

The truth can hurt, but it can also be a tool to create understanding and acceptance. It all comes out to how you deliver it. When you try to hide insults or put downs behind the veil of “honesty,” it’s not only inappropriate, but abusive. More often than not, this is an approach men take because they believe their honesty is actually truth, when it rarely is.

When you’re communicating with your partner, know there is a difference between speaking truthfully and honestly. When you can distinguish the difference, it’s a conversation of fact versus feeling and opinion. It also helps you have a much more productive conversation if you’re both on the same page.

Don’t let “honesty” be your sword or your shield in your relationship. This is what gaslighters use to gain power. They frame their opinions as the truth or overall consensus of others. Truth isn’t always a great thing, and it can hurt. But at times, it is necessary to be truthful. You need to be equally as careful with how you express honesty because at the end of the day, it’s your position alone.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on an engagement ring. Why would you want to start off an engagement in debt, or with less money? Once you get married, your debt becomes one. Wanting to spend the rest of your life together is more important than the price of the ring.

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