Unrealistic expectations.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

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I talk a lot about the need for us to have realistic expectations about stepparenting, and once in a while someone gets snarky with me about that statement. They’ll say things like they shouldn't have to lower their expectations for their stepkids. That they deserve to run their household the way they want.

It’s really not about lowering your expectations though — it’s about getting real. Your stepkids are not going to change their mannerisms overnight. Nor are they likely to thank you for coming in with a bunch of new rules. And your partner isn’t gonna suddenly start parenting differently after one discussion. Or even a dozen discussions.

Real change is absolutely possible, but it takes time and patience. I’m gonna quote my favorite statistic again: blending a family takes, on average, 5 to 7 years. And 10+ in high conflict. You’ve got to pace yourself. And that’s gonna be a whole lot easier if you’re holding yourself and your stepfamily to standards that are achievable for all of you.

If you’re feel like you’re drowning as a stepparent, please go read my stepparenting survival guide! Because the more you know about what’s normal for stepfamily dynamics and the role of a stepparent, the better you’ll feel about the whole thing. Finding stepparenting peace starts with letting go of our own unrealistic expectations, and educating ourselves is the first step. xo

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