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Let’s talk about shame
Manage episode 387778332 series 3172435
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If you’re a perfectionist or identify as someone who feels they must get everything right, then this episode is definitely for you…
In dysfunctional families, a thread of shame often runs through the family, operating out of our awareness. We have a core of shame, and we do everything in our power to avoid experiencing it. Instead, we try to be ‘good’ and perfect, convincing ourselves that everything is ‘great’ because the experience of feeling shame is so painful. Shame keeps us silent, sick, and separate.
Main Discussion Points: - What is shame? It's the fear of not being worthy of love, connection and belonging. It hijacks our brains into fight-or-flight mode (12:03) - 12 main categories where people often feel shame (06:38) - Shame arises relationally in childhood when our mirroring needs aren't met (11:30, 12:04) - Rupture and repair: the importance of parents apologizing to avoid children developing chronic shame (16:38) - Common shame triggers and responses like silence, complacency, and aggression (19:18) - Shame prevents the development of self-worth (20:07) - Overcoming shame requires vulnerability, courage, compassion and connection (25:00) Key Quotes: "Shame and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin." (02:37) "Why are we all hustling so hard for our worthiness when all we have to do is claim it?" (22:24) "The greatest barrier to developing worthiness is shame." (22:39)
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