#460: My Adult Autism Diagnosis

Article Club

Dear Loyal Readers,

Welcome to September. Thank you for being here.

In just a moment, I’ll reveal this month’s featured article. But before that, two things:

* If you’re a newish subscriber: Since January 2020, I’ve chosen one article every month for a deep dive. Folks who are interested read it, annotate it, and discuss it. The author generously records a podcast interview. It’s been fun.

* A small celebration: This will be our 50th article of the month. 🎉 I’m very appreciative of the 145 of you and the 50 authors who have participated.

If you’ve never participated (that is to say, most of you), you’re invited. We’re a kind, thoughtful reading community. I think you’ll enjoy it.

All right, let’s get down to business. I’m excited to announce this month’s article: “What My Adult Autism Diagnosis Finally Explained” Written by Mary H.K. Choi and published in The Cut, the article is thought-provoking, nuanced, and heartfelt. In other words, it’s perfect for us at Article Club.

Here’s what you can expect in today’s issue:

* My blurb about this month’s article

* A short biography about the author

* A podcast interview with the author

* What you need to do if you’d like to participate

Are you already confident that you’d like to join? All you need to do is click on the button below and sign up. 📖

What My Adult Autism Diagnosis Finally Explained

A year ago, at the age of 43, author Mary H.K. Choi was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. The diagnosis didn’t explain everything. But it gave her answers. Ever since she was a child, Ms. Choi had never understood why she was the way she was. She always longed to be different. She writes:

I wanted to know how to be breezy. To meet someone for a drink but order food because I’d missed lunch. To free myself of this habit of rehearsing conversations in advance only to be disappointed when none of my prepared talking points naturally arose. To pee when I wanted to, not when the other person did. No matter where I was, it seemed I was doomed to always feel as though I were in the window seat on a flight, prodding apologetically, mincing and smiling for the person in the aisle to get up.

I loved my friends but didn’t particularly want to spend time with them. I couldn’t stand the gnawing suspicion that everyone was humoring me. Or mad at me. Or shooting one another knowing looks because I was overstaying my welcome or not staying long enough. I reasoned that this was why I had friends but was never invited to their weddings. By my late 30s, I’d concluded I was simply bad at people. I was also indescribably lonely.

Until the diagnosis, in all aspects of her life — her interactions with her father, her relationship with her husband, the way she avoided people — Ms. Choi had constructed narratives to account for her behavior. It was because she was an immigrant, for instance. She was a people pleaser. She was a workaholic. For decades, those explanations held.

But then one day, she was fighting with her husband, Sam. Before leaving their apartment, to get some air, he said, “Jesus, I swear you’re autistic or have a personality disorder.”

In this essay, Ms. Choi shares her journey of finding out about her diagnosis, what it revealed, and how we still know very little about adults with autism.

By Mary H.K. Choi • The Cut • 23 min • Gift Link

⭐️ About the author

Mary H.K. Choi is the New York Times bestselling author of Emergency Contact, Permanent Record and Yolk. She is currently working on her fourth book. Her first adult novel.

Permanent Record is currently being adapted for a feature film; and Yolk, for a TV series, with Choi serving as executive producer and writer for both. She can be found on Twitter or Instagram for more musings. Very rarely on TikTok.

➕ A few words from me: Somehow I first learned about Ms. Choi not through her novels or her nonfiction pieces. Rather, it was through “Hey, Cool Life!” her micropod about mental health and creativity. In the podcast, organized as an audio diary, Ms. Choi authentically shares her celebrations and struggles navigating life as a writer. You might like it. It’s raw, generous, and even a bit hypnotic.

⭐️ About the interview

I’m always grateful that authors agree to do an interview for Article Club. They always bring it. But I must say: Ms. Choi really brought it. I was deeply appreciative of Ms. Choi’s candor, vulnerability, and wisdom. It was an honor to listen and learn from her.

In our conversation, we discussed a number of topics about her article, including:

* how finding out she has autism clarified many aspects of her life, but also called into question how our identities are constructed, and if we’re truly the authority on ourselves

* how she felt conflicted receiving the diagnosis, especially as a high-functioning adult requiring minimal support. “Was I autistic enough?” she wondered.

* how she approaches writing, and the writing choices she made in this piece

* how this article was the first time she has been able to write about her father, who recently passed away

I encourage you to listen to the interview if you have the time. Thank you!

🙋🏽‍♀️ Interested? Here’s what’s next.

You are certainly welcome to read the article, listen to the interview, and call it a day. But if you’re intrigued, if you’re interested, you might want to discuss this article in more depth with other kind, thoughtful people.

If so, here’s more information about how the rest of the month will go:

* Week 1: We sign up below and begin reading the article on our own.

* Week 2: We annotate this shared version of the article (optional but encouraged).

* Week 3: We share our first reactions on a discussion thread (optional but encouraged).

* Week 4: We discuss the article together on Zoom on Sunday, Sept. 29, 2:00 - 3:30 pm PT.

If you sign up, I’ll be sure to get you all the info you need, including the Zoom link and what you can expect from the discussion.

If this will be your first time participating in Article Club, I’m 100% sure you’ll find that you’ll feel welcome. We’re a kind, thoughtful reading community.

What do you think? Interested? All you need to do is sign up below. Or reach out with all of your questions.

Thank you for reading and listening to this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

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