Ep 86: Humaning Together: Integrating Grief and Lived Experience with Kathy Escobar

The Unburdened Leader

Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not.

While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection.

And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead.

Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported–you can see how bereavement by suicide fits one of the most common causes of disenfranchised grief.

When people who have lost someone to suicide feel like they cannot talk about their loss without judgment or criticism, disenfranchised grief festers. It can lead to complicated grief, where our recovery and healing become persistent and debilitating to basic day-to-day functioning over a long period of time.

The deep discomfort, shame, and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult to discuss, so that when you experience bereavement by suicide, you often feel isolated at a time when you carry deep hurt.

On today’s show, you will hear from someone I have known for over two decades who has consistently and steadfastly led with transparency and authenticity no matter what showed up in her life.

Kathy Escobar is co-founder of The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration and #communityheals: Making Spaces for Transformation Accessible for All, non-profits in North Denver, CO. She's a pastor, writer, spiritual director, podcaster, and advocate and author of several books, including Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World and Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything you Believe is Coming Apart.

Content note: Extensive discussion of grief and suicide. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How speaking the truth about her son’s death became part of how Kathy and her family survived it
• Why it’s so problematic that we create a split within ourselves as we experience grief
• What’s really at stake when grief remains submerged
• How shame shows up with grief, especially in bereavement by suicide
• Why Kathy says there’s not getting through grief, only learning to live with the rhythms of it
• Why we need to get comfortable with the paradoxes of living with grief
• How Kathy reconciles realism with hope

Learn more about Kathy Escobar:

• Website
• Facebook: @kathyescobarauthor
• Instagram: @kathyescobarpublic
• Twitter: @kathyescobar

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living, Hillary L. McBride